In one way or the other, one place or the other, Brad and I were managing to meet almost every week. I arranged far more trips to the west coast than were actually necessary for the conduct of business, something that I knew had come to the attention of and was an increasing matter of concern to my fellow partners. And when it was impossible for me to travel, Brad usually managed to spend at least one night in Boston. But now, Brad resurrected Winston. Brad taketh away, Brad givith. Glory be the name of Brad. And I feared why. Largely out of guilt–for I had long forgiven him for sending out the pictures of me that had been the proximate cause of all this–In fact I was grateful to him–I tried to be kind to Winston, to be sexy and willing. And there was, I admit, a certain perverse pleasure in knowing what was happening, in exposing myself to his camera, knowing that Brad would view the image. And hoping that he–Brad–might be jealous seeing me giving pleasure to my husband. I knew it. As Carl, my earliest memories surrounded me as little more than impressions, so I embraced the impressions and concentrated on them, seeking truth. There were flashes of still pictures that slipped away almost instantly.My mother.Leaning over to lift me up, so she could tend to a skinned knee. Her face a study in concentration, as she wiped away the blood and my tears.My mother ... again.I was older, but still of indeterminate age. Her face flashed into my mind. She was dressed for an outing, waiting at the front door for my father to pick her up and take her out. There was a tendril of memory, floating at the back of my mind, of a babysitter and my unhappiness at having this particular sitter stay with me.The still picture of my mother was engraved into my memory, because, instead of my father come to pick her up, there were two police officers and a clergyman. There words were far too soft for my little ears, and the baby sitter scooped me up and ran from the room, lest I hear and.
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